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the toilet incident 

11/1/2012

5 Comments

 
Picture
I  was  in  the  city
looking  in  a charity  shop  for  some  books  to  give  as  presents
and  found  a CARSON  MC’CULLERS
THE  HEART  IS  A  LONLEY  HUNTER  for  £1
which  is  something  I  want  to  give  to  all  my  family  and  fiends   so
had  to  get  it.
and  as  walked  to  counter
felt  a  huge  surge  down  below
a  very  much  liquid diarrhoea  surge
and
walked  in  a very  amusing  way  to  counter
and  preyed  they  could serve  me  at  once
so  as  I could  go  to  toilet
and  they  did
and  had  on  trousers  I  noticed  showed  any
kind  of  wetness  up  immediately
and  glaringly
and wondered  what  hell  would  do  if  shit  pants
and  how  embarrassing  it  would  be.
so  stood  at  side  of  counter 
holding legs  together
preying  I  could  keep  it  in
until  book  and  receipt were  given  to  me.
I  kind  of  ran  after  that  to  the  nearest  gents
five minutes  away.
I  could  use.
and  felt  angry  when people  got  in  my  way.
someone noticed  the  anxious  look  on  my  face
and  I  looked  at  them
and  thought
Christ  I  never  hope  you  feel  like  I  do.
people seemed  to  be  acting  like  they  were
out  for  a Sunday  stroll
even though  it  was  a  dull  Saturday, at  least  for  some.
and  I  felt  like  I  was  just  about  to
shit  self
with  the  wrong  sort  of  pants  on
that  show  it  all  up,  big  time,
like  a  poster  boy.
it  was  kind  of  about  honour , I  thought
and  how  could  I  show  my  face  up
in  this  town  again
if  had  shit  myself very  publicly.
I  preyed  a toilet  would  be  vacant
and  one  seemed  to
it  was  closed
I  preyed  there  was  not  someone  in  there
who  had  forgotten  to  close  the  door.
pulled down  my  easy  to  see  if  liquid  has  been  spilled  on  them  pants
and  preyed  I was  in  time.
the pulling  down  of  the  easy  to  see  if  you  have  shit  yourself  pants
caused  a  chain  reaction
and  it  started  coming  out
liquid  style
and  I  preyed  it  would  not  make  it  to  the  trousers
that  were  easy  to  wear 
comfort linen  pants  that  showed  up  big  time  if  you  shit  yourself.
I’d thought  when  putting  them  on
hope  I  don’t  shit myself  today !
or  it  will  really  show
and  had  had diarrhoea  problems  since  taking  up
drink  as  a hobby.
the  dark  liquid  poured into  my  knickers
and  the  floor
and  the  walls
and  the  toilet
and  everywhere
it  was  like  an  atom  bomb
or  just  a bomb
or  me  maybe  deciding humanity  was  not  really  for  me.
I  again  preyed  don’t  hit  the  trousers
and  looked  down
my knickers  were  covered  in  a  brown  slim  of  smelly  liquid
my  shoes
my  coat
my  belt
and  everywhere.
my  easy  to  spot diarrhoea  sufferer  trousers
thankfully had  seemed  to  be  spared
apart  from  at  the  back  but  I  figured  my  longish  winter  coat
if  I  got  all wrapped  up
would cover  that  mess  up.
so  I  thought  their  must  be  a  god
and  hoped  it  was  a  woman
as  most  men  and  I  definitely  stunk
when  we  had  bad  days  out.
in  out  of  hospital.
and  I  kind  of  wished  for  hospital and  not  public  humiliation.
with  my  mental  health issues  and  my  long standing  drinking  hobby.
I  started  clearing  up
it  was  at  the  back  of  the  toilet  everywhere
and  I  was  saying  oh  fecking  shit
under  my  breathe
and  hoped  the  toilet paper  would  last
and  know  one  would  hear  me  swearing
as  I  did  not  agree  with  it.
after  I  tried  to  clean  up
I  figured  my  knickers were  un  wearable
and  could  not  work  out  how  I  would  take  them
off  and  put  them  in  bin  outside without  being  seen.
if  I  wore  them  they  would  colour  the  easy  to  see  if
you  have  shit  yourself  pants
a  shity  colour.
something  had  to  be  done
you  have  to  think quick  like  a spitfire  pilot  under  attack  by  nazi  scum.
I  worked  out  that  I  had  to  get  my  shoes  off  and  then easily  to  see  if  you  have
shit yourself  comfort  linen  trousers.
ten  you  could  maybe  get  the  very  wet  dribbling diarrhoea  pants  off.
I  worked  out  that  I  would  need  to  clean  all  the  shit  up  from  the  floor
in  order  to  stop  the  shit  from transferring  to  my  trousers
when  I  pulled  them  down  and  off.
but  I  could  not  work  out  how
I  would  carry  the knickers  to  the  bin without  being  seen  or  smelled
subversion I  thought
trick  them  or  maybe  some  form  of subliminal  hypnosis.
then  a  voice  let  out 
you  had  an  accident  ?
yes , I replied  but  I don’t  really  want  to  discuss  it  in  a  public  environment.
I’ll  give  you  some  spray  and  extra toilet  paper
thanks  I  said
I  sure  do  appreciate  that
and  I  had  run  out  of  toilet paper  a  long  time  ago
so  figured  this  could  be  a way  forward.
he  threw  them  over  the  toilet  door
over  the  locked  prison  I  was  in.
and  said  make  sure  you  clean  it all  up.
 
 
yes  I  have  cleaned most  of  it  up  I  said
already.
my  body’s  giving  up  I  thought !
nothings working  right  even  though  I  took  drink  up  as  a  hobby
because everyone  ignores  me.
the  blood  puke  the getting  banned  from  some locals,   the  toilet  problem
that  can  not  spoke  off.
I  must  be  cursed  I  thought
he’s telling  me  have  I  had  an  accident like  I  was  a  two  year  old
not  able  to  hold anything  in.
this  feels  like  regressing I  thought.
over  the  locked  prison  I  was  in.
and  said  make  sure  you  clean  it  up.
I  did  what  I  had  to  do
the  front  of  the  linen  trousers  were stained  a  little
but  I  figure3d  the  winter  coat  would  hide  the  stains.
I  wondered  if  after  this  I could  have  a coffee
without someone  smelling.
I  had  come  up  with  a plan
about  the  knickers
wrap  them  in  toilet  paper
then people  may  not  realise  they  were  shit covered  knickers.
maybe  if  I did  it  quick  I  thought
people would  not  see.
so  I  cleaned  up  with  the  spray  goodness
and wrapped  the  knickers  in  white  toilet  paper
I  figured  it  would  take  me  15  seconds  to  make  it  to  the  bin.
I  went  out  like  a  French  resistance fighter  thinking  don’t  see  my  dirty  pants
and someone  came  by  and
I  am  not  sure  if  they  saw  my  shit  pants
and  I  put  them  into  the  bin
and remembered  the  message  given  to  me  from  over  the  toilet  door
don’t forget  to  clean  your  hands  after.
and  washed  my  hands several  times.

-Baz (one of the minor saints)

5 Comments
Richard Atkinson
11/1/2012 11:45:49 am

it,s by me bye the way-also known as ack

Reply
richard atkinson
11/1/2012 11:47:15 am

drinking heavily can cause toilet issues i think-christ ! what i go through for my art

Reply
richard atkinson
11/1/2012 11:48:45 am

i think i would probably fallen in lurve with Carson by the way-but we were different timelines-sadly-she died a drunk like me am

Reply
R.Carson
11/2/2012 07:25:44 am

I haven't died Rich, and I do miss you!

Reply
richard atkinson
11/2/2012 08:26:14 am

I am very pleased to hear you have not died as it can last a long time and can at times be very boring and quite lonley and the music is daft. (and you can't drink !)

Reply



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