1.True Story
if you place
your life
in a box
shake it up
a cat will emerge
if you place
your life
in a box
shake it up
a cat will emerge
2. The Robot
he was at the bar every day, drink in hand
hard-wired, programmed
to be the life of the party
6’-5, all chrome, titanium
he processed a magnetism
that was felt by so many people
especially the women on his arm
one woman pulled his lever
and hundred dollar bills
flew out of his mouth
another lady turned his knob
and his eyes rolled like a slot machine
then sparked, flashed
that night’s winning lottery number
he unscrewed his finger
and poured everyone a shot
then hit the dance floor
he did “The Robot” down a “Soul Train line.”
while they chanted,
“Go Robot Go,”
his moves were smooth, well-oiled
with a snap of his fingers
the music went static
all movements froze
tired of the rock classics
he twisted his wrist
the music switched
to Industrial, Aggrotech
the dancing resumed with The Robot in the middle
where he unleashed a break dance "Head Spin"
an act of art and science
the vortex he created
threw people off their feet
and flung debris
the spinning increased, momentum swelled
everyone grabbed hold as the floor broke open
he made a spiral decent
like a giant cork screw through butter
when the bar settled, and people gathered themselves
they realized The Robot has disappeared
then the women cried,
“Where is our sexy machine”
several theories regarding his whereabouts exist:
1. he hit an aquifer and rusted
2. he entered a wormhole and transported to an unknown dimension
3. this was all a setup to enter the “witness protection program”
4. he went to China
nevertheless he will be missed
by many friends
and fans
each year the bar holds a vigil
they light candles, retell stories,
and have live bands
the festival lasts several weeks
the bar adopted his image as their brand
t-shirts and beer steins are for sale
in the gift shop and online
an annual “Miss Robot Pageant” is held
after the bikini paint ball competition
the champion is crowned
and given the envied embroidered sash
the proceeds go to The Robot Foundation
for inventions to benefit humanity
such as, sound activated lingerie with LEDs
***
3. Battery
The alarm detonates
In my skull
Spurring sunlight
To punch my face
I fall out
Into the bathroom
Into the kitchen
Crashing into the clothes
I laid out the night before
Near the coffee maker I calibrated
To erupt simultaneously
Within this disaster area
Supercharged jet fuel
With color & consistency
Of the La Brea Tar Pits
Dispensed intravenously
Into my neck
An attempt to reverse the Benadryl
Melatonin
Warm milk
Mixed with ZzzQuil & whiskey
Compensating for a bed of gravel
Pillow of nails
Dreams of doppelgängers gnawing my face
I down my breakfast:
Cardboard-flavored power shake
I pack up my lunch:
Overripe cold cuts on stale bread
With a moldy apple
I’m ready to go
(I’m already late)
To the windowless dungeon
So I can be put in stocks
And flogged for nine hours
Keys, wallet, cell phone,
Along with yesterday’s mail
And several poems
I’m reworking
Thrown into my backpack
Thrown onto my back
Thrown into the car
Along with myself
I turn the key
I try again
Battery is dead
***
4. Going Vegan
"it's a moot point"
said the cow to the pig
as they watched
the farmer polish his knife
***
5. Dear Customer Care Specialist
Don’t put me on hold,
or transfer this call again.
I have hostages.
he was at the bar every day, drink in hand
hard-wired, programmed
to be the life of the party
6’-5, all chrome, titanium
he processed a magnetism
that was felt by so many people
especially the women on his arm
one woman pulled his lever
and hundred dollar bills
flew out of his mouth
another lady turned his knob
and his eyes rolled like a slot machine
then sparked, flashed
that night’s winning lottery number
he unscrewed his finger
and poured everyone a shot
then hit the dance floor
he did “The Robot” down a “Soul Train line.”
while they chanted,
“Go Robot Go,”
his moves were smooth, well-oiled
with a snap of his fingers
the music went static
all movements froze
tired of the rock classics
he twisted his wrist
the music switched
to Industrial, Aggrotech
the dancing resumed with The Robot in the middle
where he unleashed a break dance "Head Spin"
an act of art and science
the vortex he created
threw people off their feet
and flung debris
the spinning increased, momentum swelled
everyone grabbed hold as the floor broke open
he made a spiral decent
like a giant cork screw through butter
when the bar settled, and people gathered themselves
they realized The Robot has disappeared
then the women cried,
“Where is our sexy machine”
several theories regarding his whereabouts exist:
1. he hit an aquifer and rusted
2. he entered a wormhole and transported to an unknown dimension
3. this was all a setup to enter the “witness protection program”
4. he went to China
nevertheless he will be missed
by many friends
and fans
each year the bar holds a vigil
they light candles, retell stories,
and have live bands
the festival lasts several weeks
the bar adopted his image as their brand
t-shirts and beer steins are for sale
in the gift shop and online
an annual “Miss Robot Pageant” is held
after the bikini paint ball competition
the champion is crowned
and given the envied embroidered sash
the proceeds go to The Robot Foundation
for inventions to benefit humanity
such as, sound activated lingerie with LEDs
***
3. Battery
The alarm detonates
In my skull
Spurring sunlight
To punch my face
I fall out
Into the bathroom
Into the kitchen
Crashing into the clothes
I laid out the night before
Near the coffee maker I calibrated
To erupt simultaneously
Within this disaster area
Supercharged jet fuel
With color & consistency
Of the La Brea Tar Pits
Dispensed intravenously
Into my neck
An attempt to reverse the Benadryl
Melatonin
Warm milk
Mixed with ZzzQuil & whiskey
Compensating for a bed of gravel
Pillow of nails
Dreams of doppelgängers gnawing my face
I down my breakfast:
Cardboard-flavored power shake
I pack up my lunch:
Overripe cold cuts on stale bread
With a moldy apple
I’m ready to go
(I’m already late)
To the windowless dungeon
So I can be put in stocks
And flogged for nine hours
Keys, wallet, cell phone,
Along with yesterday’s mail
And several poems
I’m reworking
Thrown into my backpack
Thrown onto my back
Thrown into the car
Along with myself
I turn the key
I try again
Battery is dead
***
4. Going Vegan
"it's a moot point"
said the cow to the pig
as they watched
the farmer polish his knife
***
5. Dear Customer Care Specialist
Don’t put me on hold,
or transfer this call again.
I have hostages.
