1. SuperPoet
a new dawn (an old much used expression)
the scene :
WC1 in the deep dark bowels of the british museum
locked away in specimen jars
floating in formaldehyde
are the testicles and ovaries
of all our greatest poets that have passed away
in readiness for one glorious day - a resurrection (of sorts)
the power of science in a laboratory constructed
to the design of mary shelley’s uterus
we will be able to perform an operation from the realms
of the imagination and …
SUPERPOET
will be conceived
a new dawn (an old much used expression)
the scene :
WC1 in the deep dark bowels of the british museum
locked away in specimen jars
floating in formaldehyde
are the testicles and ovaries
of all our greatest poets that have passed away
in readiness for one glorious day - a resurrection (of sorts)
the power of science in a laboratory constructed
to the design of mary shelley’s uterus
we will be able to perform an operation from the realms
of the imagination and …
SUPERPOET
will be conceived
[EXPERIMENT 1]:
suffered an unfortunate setback
the grotesque gargoyle
codename: w. h. auden
breathed and rhymed
and inspite of the odds did survive
[EXPERIMENT 2]:
was again unsuccessful although
aesthetically more pleasing to the eye
no one would listen to the drone
sounding sleeping potion
SUPERBORE
codename : andrew motion
yet the day will come
of this we are certain
and readers will look to the heavens
IS IT A BARD?
IS IT A SAGE?
able to withstand a speeding sonnet
double the strength of a rhyming couplet
qualified to see right through a metaphor
IT’S SUPERPOET
come to tell us our lives are so mundane
and only death can relieve our pain
***
2. Looney Case
VOICE OVER
readers are reminded that this poem
contains cliché dialogue
a hint of cartoon violence and a plot line
of no real significance
that some readers may find mildly irritating
THE STORY SO FAR
i’m the perfect usual candidate
to be a tv police suspect
i’ve always been aware of that
i’ve that sort of face
the sort of face with one caterpillar eyebrow
a hairy creature that sits on my brow
laying in wait
THE CANYON RIDDLE
during a murder investigation
where a body was found in a canyon
although no one was there
to hear the scream
(except the murderer
who
according to the tv detectives
was me and only me
so help me god)
nine out of ten tv police detectives
will always point the finger at
the first person on the scene
wearing a unibrow
then cut to the next scene
in the pub
celebrating with a whiskey chaser
and cop drama laughter
case solved
SORRY OFFICERS, I’VE NOT COMMITTED A CRIME
not this time
they had their prime suspect
me
but they had no motive
bring him in let’s lean on him a bit
said the super
we’ll use some electricity
push him down a few stairs (so to speak)
strap some dynamite
between his legs
he might just want to spill the beans
full confession
tell us all
BREAK FOR A COMMERCIAL
have a smile that’s glowing and bright
brush your teeth with new radioactive white
for that beaming confidence
made from the finest
sellafield ingredients
PART TWO
the chief super’s eyes
were like tape recorder reels
his mind a mass of tangled
magnetic tape
he went into rewind and said
on the day in question
we believe
you first tried to kill
mr roadrunner esq by dropping
an anvil on his head
but missed
however
sly crafty wiley beast that you are
you had a back-up plan
the 100 ton weight did the trick
and now mr roadrunner esq
flat lined
beep! beeps! no more
what the …
you think i’m a cartoon
i said
well you have been sketchy
about your whereabouts
i’ve been nowhere near the canyon
i went to a rock concert
with my mates
barney and fred
got home late i was starving
the only thing i murdered
was a bowl of cornflakes
i don’t like the look of this one
said p c plod
could be we’ve got ourselves
a serial killer
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
END ON A CLIFF-HANGER
CUE THEME MUSIC
ROLL CREDITS
staring
inspector gadget as chief super
deputy dawg as pc plod
wile e coyote as wile e coyote
THAT’S ALL FOLKS
‘TILL NEXT WEEK
suffered an unfortunate setback
the grotesque gargoyle
codename: w. h. auden
breathed and rhymed
and inspite of the odds did survive
[EXPERIMENT 2]:
was again unsuccessful although
aesthetically more pleasing to the eye
no one would listen to the drone
sounding sleeping potion
SUPERBORE
codename : andrew motion
yet the day will come
of this we are certain
and readers will look to the heavens
IS IT A BARD?
IS IT A SAGE?
able to withstand a speeding sonnet
double the strength of a rhyming couplet
qualified to see right through a metaphor
IT’S SUPERPOET
come to tell us our lives are so mundane
and only death can relieve our pain
***
2. Looney Case
VOICE OVER
readers are reminded that this poem
contains cliché dialogue
a hint of cartoon violence and a plot line
of no real significance
that some readers may find mildly irritating
THE STORY SO FAR
i’m the perfect usual candidate
to be a tv police suspect
i’ve always been aware of that
i’ve that sort of face
the sort of face with one caterpillar eyebrow
a hairy creature that sits on my brow
laying in wait
THE CANYON RIDDLE
during a murder investigation
where a body was found in a canyon
although no one was there
to hear the scream
(except the murderer
who
according to the tv detectives
was me and only me
so help me god)
nine out of ten tv police detectives
will always point the finger at
the first person on the scene
wearing a unibrow
then cut to the next scene
in the pub
celebrating with a whiskey chaser
and cop drama laughter
case solved
SORRY OFFICERS, I’VE NOT COMMITTED A CRIME
not this time
they had their prime suspect
me
but they had no motive
bring him in let’s lean on him a bit
said the super
we’ll use some electricity
push him down a few stairs (so to speak)
strap some dynamite
between his legs
he might just want to spill the beans
full confession
tell us all
BREAK FOR A COMMERCIAL
have a smile that’s glowing and bright
brush your teeth with new radioactive white
for that beaming confidence
made from the finest
sellafield ingredients
PART TWO
the chief super’s eyes
were like tape recorder reels
his mind a mass of tangled
magnetic tape
he went into rewind and said
on the day in question
we believe
you first tried to kill
mr roadrunner esq by dropping
an anvil on his head
but missed
however
sly crafty wiley beast that you are
you had a back-up plan
the 100 ton weight did the trick
and now mr roadrunner esq
flat lined
beep! beeps! no more
what the …
you think i’m a cartoon
i said
well you have been sketchy
about your whereabouts
i’ve been nowhere near the canyon
i went to a rock concert
with my mates
barney and fred
got home late i was starving
the only thing i murdered
was a bowl of cornflakes
i don’t like the look of this one
said p c plod
could be we’ve got ourselves
a serial killer
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
END ON A CLIFF-HANGER
CUE THEME MUSIC
ROLL CREDITS
staring
inspector gadget as chief super
deputy dawg as pc plod
wile e coyote as wile e coyote
THAT’S ALL FOLKS
‘TILL NEXT WEEK
